Goofballs/February 15, 2015
Screenplay SCENE 1 FADE IN: Hey this is Scene 1. We’re not writing that right now. Come back to this later. Okay? Alright. SCENE 2 EXT. SEPTEM CITY - PRESENT DAY - CITY OFFICE BUILDING - WINTER Snow is falling onto the ground. Off to the side, two children have a snowball fight. Cars pass by at a normal speed. ZOOM IN: INT: CITY OFFICE BUILDING - CONFERENCE ROOM The seven leaders all sit around a conference table, except for Adam, who presents about the “grape soda issue”. The other six are suffering from varying degrees of boredom due to the length of Adam’s presentation. ADAM ... Though some may argue that grape soda is a useful addition to the City Hall vending machine, it has been known to leave stains in the carpeting that are nearly impossible to remove, thus making our custodians work twice as hard. If spilling grape soda onto the carpets becomes common, the City will have to raise the pay of the custodians in order to compensate for the extra work required. Some may think that that would be a good thing, but City Hall pays its employees via tax money. If the custodians’ pay was to be risen, that means the citizens would have to pay more taxes. As so, I think-- SIMON Sorry to interrupt, but... can you move this along a bit? It’s nearly been an hour since you’ve started, and no one else has gotten a turn. ADAM Patience, Simon. Patience. Anyway, as I was saying... VIOLET No, no, Simon’s right. No offense, but... your presentation just isn’t too important to us. Why don’t we try a topic a bit more relevant to the City as a whole. ADAM But... VIOLET Okay, I didn’t want to be blunt with you, but... no one cares about grape soda. ADAM But we haven’t even voted on allowance of grape soda in the lobby vending machine-- VIOLET Adam, please sit down. ADAM (moaning) Okay... Adam sits down in his chair and Violet stands up to start her presentation. VIOLET So... now onto a more important topic -- well, one that isn’t about grape soda... ADAM (defensively) Hey! VIOLET C’mon, you know everyone was bored out of their minds during your presentation. Simon, Toph, Da Nerd, Bob and William all murmur agreement. ADAM (defeated) Okay, fine! Adam huffs back in his seat and crosses his arms angrily. VIOLET So anyway, lately I’ve been trying to think of ways to filter out the Eights from this City. It was built with the intention of worshipping seven, and we don’t need to risk another conflict, especially since the Eights have proven on many occasions that they only want to do harm to our City. However, I haven’t been able to think of any ways to do so that I’m satisfied with to rid of the Eights. If any of you guys have an idea, tell me, and we can vote on it. The other six start thinking of ideas. Quickly, Simon raises his hand to suggest an idea. VIOLET Yes, Simon? SIMON What if we sent all of the Eights to another city? Maybe Octo City? VIOLET Oh, come on, Simon! Everyone knows Octo City has been gone for years. They destroyed it because the population dropped too low. Even the town officials left the city. SIMON No, it’s still there! VIOLET Whatever you say. Anyway, let’s just vote on it. Who says yea? William and Toph raise their hands to vote yes. VIOLET And nay? Da Nerd, Bob and Adam raise their hands to vote no. VIOLET Group majority rules no. Anyone else have an idea? Da Nerd raises his hand. VIOLET Yes, Da Nerd? DA NERD It’s just an idea, but... what if we filtered out Eights by using a wristband system? VIOLET (curiously) Go on. DA NERD We could distribute wristbands to each and every one of the citizens. They would each contain a barcode that would allow us to check their boolean status to see if they are a Seven or an Eight. If I programmed a database to read the boolean status and show that in a readable function, we could then manually filter out any eights from there and thus make our city Seven-only. Da Nerd pauses briefly before starting again. DA NERD The boolean status would be one of two numbers; zero or one. Zero, meaning that the person is an Eight, of course meaning they are banned and subject to expulsion from the City, or One, meaning that the person is a Seven; basically, not banned. The status of any citizen can be changed in the database at any time, but only by us, obviously. I think that’s about it. Violet... VIOLET Well, I guess now we should vote for if your idea will pass. Yeas? William, Toph, Simon and Bob’s hands all go up. Only Adam is left with his hand unraised. VIOLET Adam, we weren’t gonna vote for your grape soda idea anyway, you know. So stop being so bitter. ADAM Ugh, fine! Adam raises his hand. VIOLET Well, I’d say that’s definitely majority. Thank you, Da Nerd, for your suggestion. We will send out wristbands to all citizens tomorrow. EXT: WESTON’S HOUSE - MIDDAY Weston comes outside to check his mailbox and notices a wristband attached to a note addressed from City Hall. A post office van drives by, delivering another wristband and note to the house next door. Weston reads the note. VIOLET (V.O.) (reading note) To whom it may concern, The City has decided upon a new way to improve security for our city. As so, we have sent out wristbands to all of the citizens. Please report to the City Hall lobby with your wristband on and ready to be scanned within 48 hours of this message being sent. Failure to do so may result in penalties. If you cannot be at City Hall within 48 hours’ time, please notify us ahead of time. Sincerely, City Hall Weston slips on his wristband and heads inside to give the second one to Welby. EXT: CITY HALL LOBBY - AFTERNOON Many citizens of Septem City are in a line waiting to have their wristband scanned. Travis turns his wristband to show the barcode. The scanner shines a green light. Travis, relieved, heads towards the exit. The next person in line, a lady in her mid-20s, has their wristband scanned, only to shine a red light. The supervisor tells her that she has only 24 hours to grab her items and exit the city. He stamps her wristband red, to show that she has been scanned as an Eight. The next person in line steps up as the screen fades out. SCENE 3 EXT. GLENN STREET - MIDDAY GLENN dumps the full bucket of water at the top of the well into the well, then walks towards his home, the biggest of his community, implying that he is the leader of the community. He sees a box sitting at his doorstep, and in realization, picks it up and stands on top of a stand in the center of the community area to alert the others about some breaking news. GLENN (announcing) Guys, listen up! The rest of the community come out of their small houses and form a crowd around Glenn. Many shush others for them to listen to Glenn: Shh, Glenn’s talking! It’s Glenn! Shh, listen to Glenn! GLENN I, Glenn, have discovered that Septem City is pushing out this new verification system using wristbands, and I wanted to make sure everyone gets theirs. So I’ve taken the liberty of getting all these wristbands... Glenn pulls out a box of wristbands. GLENN (CONT’D) ...directly from the Post Office and making sure they got to each and every one of you. The crowd cheers and applauds in Glenn’s goodwill. Glenn jumps down from the stand and rips open the package. He then proceeds to place a wristband into each person’s mailbox. Once he’s done with his work, he takes the box into his own home and sighs in pleasant exhaustion after a long day of good deeds. INT. GLENN’S HOUSE GLENN All in a day’s work of making my community happy with my good deeds. It’s worth it to know that I’m doing all of it in the name... (strikes an evil smile) ...of eight. Glenn evilly pulls down a lever next to his door, which turns the room into a modernized official hideout location for CityControl Inc. Information Catchers (their name for “spies”). 3 other CCI SPIES walk into the living room out of hiding. Holographically, Glenn pulls up a video call with the HEAD OF CCI. INT. CITYCONTROL INC. HEADQUARTERS - CONFERENCE ROOM CCI staff have a meeting in the conference room of CCI HQ. ERIC stands at the head of the table next to a board showing their projected income. The Head of CCI’s Tablet8 rings in receivance of a video call. He taps Accept and stares into the tablet, to the annoyance of the other staff, who have to pause their meeting. HEAD OF CCI Head of CityControl Incorporated. GLENN (O.S.) Yeah, Glenn here. INT. GLENN’S HIDEOUT GLENN (CONT’D) Phase one is completed. I’ve distributed the wristbands to the three other spies. CCI SPY #2 Hi. CCI SPY #3 Hi. INT. CCI HQ HEAD OF CCI They’re not spies! I told you to call them Information Catchers! GLENN (O.S.) Sorry, sir. INT. GLENN’S HIDEOUT GLENN (CONT’D) Anyway, the wristbands are now in possession of the (mockingly) “Information Catchers” (normal voice), so what’s my next evasive course of action? INT. CCI HQ HEAD OF CCI What? INT. GLENN’S HIDEOUT GLENN It’s... it’s spy lingo or something. I don’t know. What do I do next? HEAD OF CCI (O.S.) Phase two... GLENN What... what’s phase two? HEAD OF CCI (O.S.) I sent you a text like two hours ago, come on, Glenn. Glenn takes out his phone. CCI SPY #1 (to Glenn, under breath) Just go to the messenger app and... GLENN Yeah, I know. Glenn checks his texts. After a brief moment, he then puts his phone back in his pocket. GLENN Ah, I see... INT. CCI HQ GLENN (O.S) Um, sir, if you don’t mind me asking... HEAD OF CCI Yes? GLENN (O.S.) Why are we doing all of this anyway? HEAD OF CCI (under breath) Oy vey. (normal voice) We’re a company that controls almost every city across the U.A. The one city that you’re in charge of catching information from-- INT. GLENN’S HIDEOUT GLENN You mean spying on. HEAD OF CCI (O.S.) Yes, whatever! INT. CCI HQ HEAD OF CCI We’ve been watching it for many years, since when it founded, when our beloved CEO abandoned it because of its tyranny. That’s what we’re looking out for, if they’re still exhibiting their unfaIr rulings and tyrannous ways. INT. GLENN’S HIDEOUT GLENN Is that even a word? HEAD OF CCI Yeah. CCI SPY #1 I don’t think it is. CCI SPY #2 Me either. HEAD OF CCI Quiet! CCI SPY #3 (under breath) Bitchy. INT. CCI HQ HEAD OF CCI So, our goal is to take over the last city in the nation, Septem City, and free their innocent citizens from the unfair treatment caused by these guys. INT. GLENN’S HIDEOUT The Head of CCI pulls up a picture of the seven leaders of Septem City on Glenn’s holographic display. HEAD OF CCI (CONT’D, O.S.) From left to right, Bob, William, Violet, Da Nerd, Toph, Simon and Adam. GLENN What? But they’re like teenagers. CCI SPY #1 Yeah. CCI SPY #2 Yeah, Simon doesn’t even look like he’s 13 yet. HEAD OF CCI (O.S.) That’s the point. INT. CCI HQ HEAD OF CCI (CONT’D) Look, these guys don’t know how to run a city. That’s why they’re enforcing all these unfair rules and sending their citizens into fear. That’s where we come in. And that’s why we’re doing this, Glenn and co. INT. GLENN’S HIDEOUT CCI SPY #3 “And co”? GLENN (to spy) Yeah, and I can’t say “evasive action”. INT. CCI HQ HEAD OF CCI Now, before you initiate phase two, I need you to send the rest of those wristbands back to Headquarters. GLENN (O.S.) Why? HEAD OF CCI What, you’ve got like 20 left, right? INT. GLENN’S HIDEOUT Glenn proceeds to count the rest of the wristbands in the box. GLENN 21, actually. CCI SPY #3 (stifled laughter) (in that accent) Twanty-one. CCI Spy #2 and #3 giggle under their breaths. INT. CCI HQ HEAD OF CCI We need those for other, er, Information Catchers to start leaking into the city so they can pass this new verification - the more Catchers, the better. GLENN (O.S.) Not to intrude, sir... INT. GLENN’S HIDEOUT GLENN (CONT’D) ...but won’t they know something’s up if a bunch more people suddenly just come into the city? INT. CCI HQ HEAD OF CCI That’s why we’re attacking as soon as possible so there’s no chance for them to notice anything. We initiate phase two in one week. Head out. The Head of CCI hangs up the call. INT. GLENN’S HIDEOUT CCI SPY #2 Did he just say “head out”? CCI Spy #2 starts to walk off, but CCI Spy #1 stops him. CCI SPY #1 No, no, don’t actually... he didn’t... GLENN (throws box into hands) So, I’m gonna go ship this out, and then I guess we got a bit of downtime. What should we do? Brief silence. ALL Flute Warriors! CUT TO: CCI Spy #1 hovers over a flute-shaped controller playing Flute Warriors, shown on the holographic display. Cut to show the game. CCI Spy #1 is in multiplayer face-off against an online player. SCENE 4 INT. CITY HALL - SIMON’S ROOM Adam and Simon stand in Simon’s room, watching Da Nerd hovered over a flute-shaped controller playing Flute Warriors against an online player on Simon’s 25” standard TV. DA NERD Ah, this guy sucks. Look, he didn’t even FC that part. ADAM Yeah, well, it’d be easier to see if Simon had a better TV. SIMON Well, sorry that I spend my wages on something other than grape soda research. ADAM Do you really wanna get back into this again? DA NERD Guys, guys, could you stop arguing for one minute? I’m trying to concentrate. Da Nerd misses a note in a Star Combo, to which he immediately reacts with frustration. DA NERD Gah! See, you made me miss. I’m gonna lose now. Thanks. SIMON (naively sincere) You’re welcome. INT. CITY HALL - LOBBY Bob and William set a table in the lobby for 3 diners. Violet grabs something out of the mini-fridge by the lobby desk. BOB So, Violet, what’s for supper? Violet pulls an entire raw chicken out of the fridge. VIOLET Chicken. Violet then proceeds to drop the chicken right in the middle of the table. VIOLET Eat up. WILLIAM Wh... but... aren’t you gonna cook it? VIOLET Nah. The microwave’s broken and I got a date. Bob picks up the chicken and walks over to the trash. WILLIAM Ooh, who is it this week? Bob drops the chicken into the trash. BOB William. Play nice. VIOLET His name’s Ghastly. WILLIAM Wait, as in Ghastly’s Auto Shop? VIOLET Yeah. He’s sweet and kind and... his accent’s sexy as hell. After a brief silence, both Bob and William burst out in laughter. VIOLET Shut up! Bob and William continue laughing uncontrollably as Violet walks out the door. BOB (resides laughter) Oh, we should probably go wake Toph up. WILLIAM Yeah. He’s been asleep all day. INT. TOPH’S DREAM - TRIPPY Trippy trap music plays in the background as Toph has a hallucinogenic dream. Mostly trails of hypnotic swirls in LED colors, with Toph’s dazed empty face staring at all of it. Suddenly, a white mist moves in and starts encompassing the room. BOB (off-screen, echoing) Toph. Wake up. The white mist takes over the entire room and swirls into an abyss. Toph wakes up. INT. CITY HALL - TOPH’S ROOM BOB Toph. TOPH Huh? BOB You’ve been asleep all day. What’s wrong? TOPH I don’t know. I... I feel... my stomach hurts and my throat’s (raspy) swelled up, and (normal) oh, I’m gonna throw up. Bob grabs the trash can from the side of the door and moves it over to the side of Toph’s bed. BOB There. TOPH (weakly) Thank you. BOB You gonna be okay? TOPH Yeah, I think so. BOB Alright. Just yell if you need anyth-- er, um... call... er, text. TOPH Okay. BOB (walking out) Alright, get better. TOPH I don’t... have much control over that. As Bob walks out, he pops his head into Simon’s room, from which loud flute music is blaring. INT. CITY HALL - SIMON’S ROOM BOB Hey, can you guys turn it down a bit? Toph’s sick. SIMON & ADAM Shh! SIMON Nerd’s wrecking this douche on Flute Warriors. ADAM Yeah. BOB Well, just keep it down, okay? Bob walks off. Da Nerd finishes the song, and an in-game crowd cheers. Da Nerd decides to turn the volume down, and text reading “DN 7061 WINS!” displays on-screen, followed by the results screen. SIMON Nice work, Nerd. ADAM Wait, let’s see what this guy’s playertag is. The results screen shows the opponent’s playertag: Glenn0233. DA NERD Wait a minute. (face strikes of realization) I think I know that guy. ADAM & SIMON What? DA NERD Yeah, we were old college roommates. He would always come home with a medium LITECola and play Legend of the... Eight. (face turns to shock) Brief silence. ADAM Nerd, you’re a freshman in high school. SIMON Yeah, and LITECola wasn’t even invented until a year ago. DA NERD (awkwardly, in realization that he is a dumbass) Shut up. ADAM But... I think I do recognize that name from somewhere. SIMON Where? ADAM I had a dream once. And... and there was this guy... and he said... something and did... a thing. DA NERD Th... that’s pretty descriptive, Adam. SIMON (under breath) Martin Luther King had a dream. DA NERD Okay, so let’s start another match! Da Nerd presses a button on the flute controller. INT. CITY HALL - LOBBY Bob walks back downstairs. Hey, write this later. Category:Notdn Category:Films Category:Transcripts